Video Games

Today kids spend a great deal of time playing video games.  We will constantly read how too much time playing video games is not good for children.  It keeps them from being physically active, using their imaginations, can cause eye strain, and can cause them to lose touch with the real world.  However with proper monitoring and parent involvement their can be a proper role for video games.

One thing is clear, children should never be given unmonitored unlimited access to video games, otherwise that will be all they do.  These games can be highly addicting, I myself find it difficult to pull myself away when I am playing.   We set limits for our children, approximately 60 minutes every other day during the week and a little bit more on the weekend. It helps to set a timer so that children know up front when they will be expected to turn the games off to avoid arguments. Giving additional time can be used as a reward for children.

One way to avoid having your child avoid socializing during video games is by playing something the whole family can play.  This turns video game time into family game time and the game can be enjoyed together.

We sometimes will let our children play handheld games at restaurants while they are waiting for their meal for some peace and quiet, however we do not do this a hundred percent of time because we still like to talk to our children at meals. Using these from time to time however can ease the challenge of eating out.

Finally I cannot stress this enough.  Please be sure you monitor what games they are playing.  There is a reason there are rating scales of the back of games. A school age child should not be playing games marked T-for teen or M-for mature.  Children often will emulate what they see in the games and some of things portrayed in these types of games are certainly not content younger children are ready to be exposed to.  While our technology advances the parents role does not change.

Refelcting on Father's Day

When I woke up this morning I was greeted by hugs and kisses and 2 boys who couldn't wait to give their father a wallet they picked out.  It is not what they gave that mattered it was what was in their hearts.  There is truly something wonderful about the admiration and unconditional love children give to their parents and how son's look up to their dads.  Parenting is the hardest job in the world.  It comes with never ending sacrifice, putting others ahead of yourself and showing patience even when it seems like the entire house could be upside down. 

 One true fact overshadows all the rigors of being a dad, that is the fact that in this one role no matter who you are, not matter your standing, no matter your color and no matter your background you are your children's hero.  Daddy can do anything, Daddy can fix anything and Daddy knows the answer about everything.  In my case, I apparently know the history of every super hero and Star Wars character, even those that do not exist.  When you lay your head down tonight as a dad place a smile across your face because their is someone counting on you to be your best everyday and that is something to smile about.  So this is a salute to all fathers and what they do to stand as shining leaders of their families and examples of manhood for their children to aspire to.

Youth Sports

My sons have now hit the age where they have gotten involved in youth sports. My oldest just finished his second season of soccer and had previously played a season of t-ball. My youngest will start soccer in the fall. In going through these seasons there are several thoughts that come to my mind:

1) It's not about what sport you want them to play:

I am not a soccer fan, I don't follow it other then when the USA plays in the World Cup. I couldn't name a single player. I have always enjoyed baseball. What is interesting is that I did not enjoy my son's season of t-ball. He basically stood around in the field waiting for the ball and got up to bat twice a game. He did not learn one bit about baseball. No wonder the team would get bored and start playing in the sand. It was clear that many 5 year olds may have a problem keeping focused with so little action. On the other hand my son loved soccer, he was constantly running and the whole team was involved. I found that since he enjoyed it I enjoyed.

I played little league baseball when I was a kid and I'm sure when they are older I will let them try again if they want to, but for now they are happy with soccer and that works for me.

2) Help the coach, and recognize the good ones:

I believe the best youth sports coaches are the ones who understand that it is about the love of the game, not winning the championship. A good coach should have the knowledge to teach the game but also the understanding of the age group they are working with. Coaches that yell and scream at their teams when they are losing have no place in youth sports. I recall during one of my older sons soccer matches the other coach trained his team to throw the ball in before the other team was ready. These were six year olds playing, what kind of sportsmanship is that teaching.

3) Chances are you do not have next Hall of Famer out there:

While every pro athlete had to start somewhere the large majority of the children playing are not going to the pros. When you are watching your child play, cheer for all the kids, enjoy seeing your kid have fun and celebrate the little successes. If big success drops in, it is just an extra blessing.

4) Set priorities:

Do not lose sight of the importance of family, school , rest and health. These things are more important than winning at youth sports.

5) Make sure the league is developmentally appropriate and safe:

For example there is a proper age when it is ok for kids to learn how to head a soccer ball. Throwing a curveball in baseball at too young an age can ruin an arm. You need to look out for your child's safety in whatever sport they are playing.

6) This is a great avenue for kids to socialize and learn teamwork.

In closing I will say it brings me great pleasure watching my kids on the field, win or lose. As long as they are having fun and trying their best that is all we can hope for as parents.

Back to School Shopping

One question that comes to mind a lot with many parents is what to buy when children head back to school. Here are some tips:

1)Supplies- Unless requested by the teacher avoid bulky binders, they never fit in a desk and as the rings get loose it turns into a big mess. Spirals and clip folders work well along with standard composition books. When dealing with pens and pencils, if there are 10 in a pack send your child in with 4 and keep the rest in reserve. Avoid supplies that may create a distraction. Many schools make their supply lists availble before the school year begins so try to get a hold of the list

2) Clothes- You definitely want to avoid a phone call from the school office because your child is in violation of dress code. Students should be dressed for learning not a fashion show. Items like ripped jeans, pocket chains, things with spikes, sleeveless shirts and backless shoes are usually prohibited. Students also need to wear their pants at their waste, school is not the place to show off their underwear. Shirts should cover the torso and skirts should be longer than mid-thigh. While Crocs are not considered a backless shoe, I don't think it is a smart footwear choice for school based on the risk of tripping and falling if some steps on the shoes back.

3) Cell phones are very useful communication devices but they need to be off and out of site during class so they do not distract learning. If your are giving your child a phone to keep on them make sure they understand the school policies governing their use on campus to avoid confiscation.

Hope these few tips are useful.

Managing Childrens Behavior-Calmness, Consistency and Communication

One of the challenges parents have with children of all ages is managing their child's behavior. The key with dealing with behavior starts with the three C's, calmness, consistency and communication.

When a situation arises that a behavior problem is occurring staying calm is key. You need to keep your wits about you in order to solve the behavior in a way that makes your child understand that you are not mad at them, but you are upset with their specific behavior at that time. When parents lose their cool it communicates a degree of anger and can cause fear in the child. You do not want your relationship with your child based on fear. It is just as easy to put a child in time out calmly as it is to scream and yell when doing a time out. If you are about to lose it walk away and take a deep breath compose yourself them handle the situation. Think about how it would feel to have a 7' 350 pound massive lineman yelling in your face, that is how a small child feels when it is done to them.

Consistency is simple, say what you mean, mean what you say. Keep rules and expectations clear and don't change them every day. Teach what you expect and your kids will follow. If expectations keep changing what are the kids supposed to learn? If you say you will do something do it. Don't make a promise you can't keep. Don't threaten to give a consequence that you can't follow through on.

Communication between parents is key otherwise the kids wise up and start to play one against another. My wife didn't tell me she only wanted my 3 year old to have a certain amount of stuffed animals on the bed, so when my son asked for a few more I thought it was fine. When my wife came in she got upset because she had told my son something else and I got upset because I felt like she was undermining me in front of my child over something that was not a big deal. Had we communicated that situation would have gone a lot smoother.

Adventures In Potty Training Part 2

Wow, even I can do it. That's right my 3 year old who was so stubborn about the potty to the point of holding it for 16 hours has finally gotten it. He has gone from fighting going on the potty to actually going. Here are some facts about potty training that I discovered:

1. This is the only time as a grown adult you can talk about poopy and pee pee in public and not feel self conscious about it.

2. Discussing the sound effect poopy and pee pee make with my son was not something on my wife's wish list. However he's going now, it worked. He also pretty good at the sounds.

3. Target might as well hold a 2nd mortgage on my house for all the positive rewards my wife has bought to assist with potty training.

4. When boys first learn to go they sit. Gentlemen there is a really good reason to stand. It's potty time not pee pee spritz fest.

5. More toilet paper does not get you cleaner unless you use it in the right spot.

6. If your child is a boy, you might as well teach him now to put the seat back down and save the aggravation.

7. They make green frog soap.

8. Seriously it is a wonderfully proud feeling when your child has a feeling of success after trying to learn something new.

It certainly beat diapers. Potty training parents, there is a light at the end of tunnel. Remember to flush and wash your hands.

I Gotta Watch My Sports!

Ok let's get real. I'm sure most of the Dads out there were like me ,watching a ton of sports before kids. So how do we handle following our favorite teams now. Bottom line is our sports viewing time is severely compromised once children come along. It is a very tricky balancing act. I have resorted to the good old DVR/TIVO. I'm a huge Miami Dolphin and Florida Panther Fan and this device has helped me on a number of occasions. On football Sundays I pause the start of the 1:00 games until 1:15 which is nap time for my kids and I them watch the game. When my 3 year old wakes up he comes to the T.V. and says "Miami Dolphins" and will sing the fight song. So I manage to catch the game and already have one in training. Hockey is a little harder because it is 82 games, but once the kids are asleep and I have spent some alone time with the wife (hint hint) I then start the game. If I have to get up early I usually fast forward to the goals and the interesting looking plays in the first two periods and watch the third. This season I saw 95% of the goals scored in Panther games with to young toddlers. My older one actually loves hockey and will watch the NHL network if I put it on or the panthers. He has gone to games with me and loves it. Although he thinks we go to eat a big pretzel and drink diet coke, but he does enjoy the game. I have him saying "Panther's Goal" when promoted. So he is a hockey nut in the making.
It can be done stick with your teams and stick with your sports their is always a way.